Online Dating: Wow ~ hot subject with a plethora of venues.
Since living here in Santa Faux NM, the selection of desirable men ….well.. is rather limited to be tactful! Being a lady who grew up on three continents, Military Attaché an only child to a commanding father ~ Let me say (again being tactful), as Queen Elizabeth I stated, “I am my Father’s Daughter” additionally, I am a redhead with a feature of outspoken brilliance.
Signing on obliterate my naïve thinking in the first week of December 2012 – with Match.com. The fraud was overwhelming. These profiles are only the beginning of one’s new life (part~time work,? Truth being, it became a full time research career.)
Many profiles are and could often be copied unless one has a “disclaimer” at the end or somewhere in the profile its’ self. More on this in subsequent blogs. Nevertheless I wish to focus on the actual, “what you need to watch for” in this conversation.
RUN! run- delete and immediately question if someone gives you their phone number and/or private email as prerequisite to continue corresponding. My usual return statement, in the beginning was (but now I just deleted), “I signed onto a private service for security and protection. Just as if I were in a bar and you asked me to go to your car, I might think you to be another “Ted Bundy”, the answer will be NO!” This gets a laugh from the right men, the other men when responding promotes an immediate; BLOCK. If necessary a report to the online service.
Within a week at Match.com I was requesting for a refund. The fraud was overwhelming, also the codependent type individuals or bizarre persona (as in needing institutional therapy) flooded my in box.
First, lets approach the great profile and one picture available for viewing. And the odd incongruent curious subsequent emails that you will received. They exacerbate a *huh* factor in ones (average to more of intelligence). These profiles are the ones’ often stolen by nefarious individuals ~ one might say these will produce within a few email a request for: “how much money would you like me to send you in Nigeria” types!!
The rather odd configured emails will be a “cut and paste” from varying degrees of other conversations from multiple individuals. It is a great parody, a comedic reading prose that will prompt laughter, most times will stated “I am a God fearing man/woman etc.. and the rest will not make sense. HIT THE DELETE KEY, that is after you have had a great laugh and “are you kidding” statements.
Also, you might want to stay away or at least be weary of the beginning statements in a profile: “I am new at this (we all are to some degree). I often wonder if this is the same type of introduction used in actual face to face introductions: I am new at this!” Also statements such as: What should I say about myself, or It’s hard to talk about myself or I don’t know ~ comments.
Unless the profile finally becomes of some interest to you personally, as the reader, move onto the next 1000’s of profiles and photos, those truly seeking a relationship . If a person, of adult age does not know how to converse or know themselves by thirty; you can guarantee therapy is waiting around the corner and a great deal of co-dependency is on the edge of your door step.
Also, if a person becomes irate or annoyed in the first two emails, RED FLAG time. Emails will have the usual misunderstandings, the same as life does speaking face to face. Possibly a bit more misunderstood at times, nonetheless that person you are corresponding with – should have an open mind and realize that not everyone is a Great writer as Hemingway or Shakespeare. Well, the later (Shakespeare was a bit difficult to understand! And Wherefore art thou pertains to *Why* just to clarify this question on OkCupid).
Honestly, I am a straight female and did find across the US continent and beyond Great Great Authentic men of all walks of life. There are many wonderful people searching for friends – pen pals, connections in other locals, and potentially a new love in their life. Many are genuinely seeking with an open heart. Nevertheless please do not think – none of us are do not carrying some degree of dusty baggage! We all do, no matter if you have been in therapy for years or maybe worse, a therapist yourself. (grin) Once briefly meeting (4 minutes and I ran, jumped in my car stating, “this is rather awkward”) a person who stated they were a psychologist. Not so!
Next: if you have a considerably unique name as I do ~ do not divulge it – you are google-able and information on your life can be purchased rather cheaply over the internet. (One reason why my drivers license does not have complete accurate information.) Protect yourself. My signature was always Klassic Lady, in accordance with my handle as KlassicRedHead. With this blog, now I am out in the front lines – with almost everything exposed.
Next, have pictures that are recent; at least in the last 6 to 8 months and insist upon the same, inclusive of multiple photos. One pic is NOT enuff! Make sure you are smiling!!! A smile will open doors!! Give the intended person your real self.
Do not say your are *fit or athletic* if you are not!! One Gentleman told me at dinner his first date stated she was “average,” he said “she seemed really nice, great voice on the phone so I planned a dinner and brought a rose. Then I met her in person, she was at least 300 pound conservatively.”
The purpose of online dating is to eventually meet in person, unless you are only wanting a pen pal. Meeting will be full figure presentation, DO NOT LIE! Some are more buffed than others and if 5-10 pounds are more is a deal breaker, state this in your profile. Be honest. I do mean there are Buffed men out there, they sent me naked pictures prior to us ever exchanging emails. That promoted a clause in my profile. Naked pictures, no matter how hot, do not turn me on. I am not a male who enjoys Victoria Secret or Playboy or whatever is out there these days. Oh yes, Cosmopolitan I think was the female version. You get the point, it is not a relationship builder.
Meeting in person gives the full view, so give full views in photos in the profile. SMILE damn it SMILE, it catches a great amount of attention. And admittedly, it will produce some of the above attention you do not want!!
Remember, we are in a cyber BAR – there are people in real life you normally do not wish to have as personal friends, same goes for online acquaintances.
Most of all, have fun!!!! Don’t send out the *I am desperate or needy* vibs (well unless you are, then you might consider working on this part of yourself). Be honest, be yourself. Remember there is fraud and some people will use other photos, the severely insecure types. All is revealed in person! And, flash in the pan relationships seldom work in person, less online.
Next: share who you are in life. Are you out~doorsy, what hobbies do you have a passion for. You Do have Passion, come with an interesting venue of life. We all have our insecurities, they do not need to lead the front line.
Example, I love my horses, flee bitten (horse terminology) since being a toddler in Venezuela. I share this with a statement and photos. Horses take a great deal of time and commitment, this shows I am committed to my passions. Here is my disclaimer:
*you need not love horses, just appreciate my profound love for them.*
Simple and to the point. The hours it takes to care for my horses is important information, along with my dog. My Arabians are a gigantic (1000 pound plus) part of life life. In caring for them, in exercising them as well as myself, this keeps my body extremely fit. And I able to state so; I am Fit in my profile for it shows in my photos. On the other side to invite the person, I state, I am an accomplished gourmet chef and I love cuddling up in a lovers lap, or waking next to his warm skin in the morning! Yes, admitting you enjoy the sensual natures of life or that you do not, is extremely important! Be tactful!
Again, be honest with who you are and if you don’t know. Talk to your friends/family/strangers, and see what they say.
Write an honest profile! I cannot assert this enough. Not everyone is a writer, it is not expected, however when there is a well written profile, it is extremely appreciated and these individuals receive a GREAT amount of attention! ~ I write profiles for others, at a charge (of course), but I am qualified to do so; this is when I do edit, all profiles are written in good taste from my clients perspective.
The subject we want to avoid: Ok, online you do want to avoid *religion, short tall or realistic attraction features and most likely political views, *for the immediate introductions. This will be a heavy factor later. Read the profiles! If your are a staunch Christian, most likely an Atheist will not work. I have had to make this apparent so many times. With the comments, “I do not want to change you, I respect your views. The next emails to follow were about Polygamy, then attempting to convince me how beneficial it is in relationship. BULL!! And not for me, I do not share!
Now the Attraction features: what you want or wish for may not be what you can attract and get in life! Get REAL with this factor of life. You are not Seal attracting Heidie Klum! However, I will say, there have been a plethora of incredible men across the globe who have astonished me, (sometimes only reading their profiles) in word and appearances, one being from Spain and a few others in California (many times I was ready to pack and move on the spot), sensibilities took over that is why I am still in Santa Faux ~ and finishing up my projects.
And that list of *I expect this and how a person is to act~ look ~ money references. You are single and the long lists will keep you single!!!!
Last, do not think that if you pay for a site it is any better than the free ones; and there are many sites pending your preferences.
Seeking Millionaire.com Seeking Sugar Day.com
Plenty of Fish BlackPeople.com
And more!!! They all have a premium area suggesting you pay for and you get more. Not really! UUFF, I am going to get email on that comment. Just remember, I invested my time for a year researching material and sometimes dating *~)! Can’t help my predisposed brain and it’s functions.
Last, remember people do meet online, have great discussions, form great friendships, and sometimes find a wondrous love of their life. Or at least someone to date for few months to years. Pending upon your desire of short or long time commitment. So ENJOY yourself, this is very important, no matter what culture of life you are seeking, enjoyment and happiness is a ubiquitous feature of life!!!
I will say there were and still are a couple of wonderful Gentlemen (out of state) that I am in touch with, or have dated or long conversations – some enjoyable evenings, and still have a firm connected interest. Alas I am a bit slow at the Jump in immediate relationship due to my career ~ two Arabian horses ~ a dog and one cat ~ 3 current books I am writing and this blog. For what it’s worth.
In the final end of this beginning feature, have great hope there are lots of people who want to meet each other
About the Author: MicheleElys is a Neurobehaviorist ~ Writer ~ Educator ~ Keynote Speaker.
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