Amnesia: I Saw Myself Evaporate to Dust

 

I had Transient Amnesia! My brain lived in parallel universes not knowing who and where I am, while Logically navigating through an Amnesia day! In hindsight, I remember the entire day, all activities accomplished, with considerable clarity.

As a Scientist, this Fascinates me!

I am aware of the moment when entering Amnesia. I watch myself evaporate into dust to a blank slate. I see my evaporation before my eyes in mid-air, as I disappear. I am no longer a person and to confound this experience, I am aware of being unaware, living in a dysfunction. 

How is one absent and yet able to think and be aware? Living on both sides of the coin, with no memory of the self, and ability to execute through a day with formidable logic?

Employing logic through the dysfunction of Amnesia is more than intriguing. This reveals the brain’s duality in expansion while providing aptitudes in reducing the Amnesia experience.

I do not know my past and certainly do not know my future: this was the moment I became my own Lab Rat!

Producing an opportunity to cognitively study myself, examine and find solutions.

 

 

It is the Remarkableness of our Evolving Brain!

Looking in the mirror, the person I see is not recognizable.

The allure of the Unknown is Discovery!

 

My stabilization in life are, my Arabian horse KlassicAmir and my Service dog Sädé, to continue my profound independence, as I have recovered from most all TBI concussion symptoms.

Instinctively my Arabian horse responds to me. He does not respond to amnesia or the past damage of my TBIs, he responds to the pure nature of myself. The same is said for my dog, Sädé.

Their behavior and attributes filled me with curiosity, which led to my research, deeper instincts and neuroscience simultaneously. I saw a resolution in the midst of dysfunction.

I have studied over several years the brain’s neurological aspects. Gaining an understanding of the entire brain, narrowing my focus on what I call the heart of the brain, Limbic or Lymphatic system. This area I found, through brainspotting to be a major key in Amnesia. I have found other recovery results through the same techniques.

My quest was: how could I operate clearly through dysfunction? My answer was: tapping into the subconscious brain consciously and living instinctively.

Allowing every thought to be exposed, every feeling to drift through my brain with conscious examination. With purpose I developed a course of action that proved to have a recovery aspects.

The primary technique I used was Brainspotting. Founded by David Grand, PhD from NYC.  And, Dr. Robert Weise from Santa Fe NM, who began to show and teach me these techniques. Dr. Weise for a time, guided me through different Brainspotting techniques. Later, finding variable post-concussive symptoms e.g. Amnesia and more, I found another therapist who trusted my fearless instincts to go beyond the previous knowledge in exploration, yet to be discovered or taught publicly.

I did not know at the time, my actions would lead me to a recovery process for Amnesia episodes and recovery processes for many TBI dysfunctional problems.

Where I found safety and further profound answers, has been with my horses’ responses to me, not Amnesia or the previous quirks of my TBI injuries, now almost all diminished. KlassicAmir exacerbate my curiosity, studying all quirky condition of TBIs through his ability of knowing my slightest thought. His awareness became my desired trajectory in controlling the Amnesia.

I seldom speak verbally to my Arabian horse, KlassicAmir. This was curious to me how he understood all my intentions. Looking at his instinctual behavior, he focused on mannerisms simultaneously as the thought traced through my brain.

This awareness produced another technique used in tandem with Brainspotting. The instinctual behavior of my Arabian horse. I began to observe the deep simplistic instincts of understanding the brain’s working and immediate appearance in behavior; what my horse understand automatically.

His innate ability was to read thought.

Studying Behavior, for me, was a natural predisposition developed as a toddler via animals; a natural response while listening quietly to the nature of animals.

I consciously switch to logical thinking seeing through KlassicAmir’s eyes the natural behavior of the unconscious mind. These states were mesmerizing.

I also noticed, in the mere beginning of an Amnesia episode, there is a “static moment.” “Static” is the moment of transition, from cogent understanding of who I am to evaporation. Then a duality developed.

Using what I taught myself in deep Brainspotting, was to use my multiplistic brain function. Logic to complete and maneuver through the day. I implored a conscious subconscious awareness to the surface of cogent knowledge.

During an Amnesia state, I found I was able to accomplish numerous tasks through logic, cognitively, such as: completing my grocery shopping at Trader Joes or Spouts. Finding other stores, which were once known to me, in the state of Amnesia past knowledge is completely void. Dealing with strangers, working through a meeting with people, not divulging the current condition. Driving home safely through unknown streets, guiding myself with logic directives finding my home.

After a time of deep study I began to recognize these static moments. This is where I began to realize I had more control.

Reaching deeper, I would analyze different situations such as stress, weather conditions, places or events. None which had bearing of an Amnesia episodes.

In April and this past Monday, June 5th 2017, I abated two Amnesia episodes through what I have discovered and call, CNR – Cognitive Neurobehavior Recognition or Self-directed Neuroplasticity.

I no longer have Transient Amnesia!

Developing a continual ability in bringing the subconscious to a conscious level. Emulating internally, my Arabian’s horse’s cognitive responses.

Life offers Catastrophic events, where we find solutions that can be built upon for decades to come.

 

MicheleElys is a Neuro-Behaviorist, working to help people globally discover Solutions and Recovery in Being Human & TBIs

Author – Keynote Speaker -Reluctant French Chef -Equine Devotee

© MicheleElys: All Rights Reserved 

 

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Z D says:

    A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. I do think that you should write more on this subject, it might not be a taboo subject but generally folks don’t discuss such topics. To the next! All the best!!

    Like

    1. MicheleElys says:

      It’s not a “taboo” subject. Why people do not discuss such oddities, little is known about the amnesia oddity itself. Thereby there is little to no discussion other than neuroscientists and doctors attempting to figure what happens to the brain when these moments occur in a variety of permanent amnesia.

      Like

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