What Men Wanted ,but did not Expect to Get!

This piece has been rumbling in my gut for months, here goes. Please do not misunderstand me – I love men, particularly men of colour,  a decorum of refinement  in jeans and champagne……Dedicated to my father, the Honorable S H Hal Runyan, he was brilliant, an Officer and Gentleman, respectful of the prowess in women and more. I am my father’s daughter.

BUT, as usual, I have somethings to say!

We ladies gave it all to you, the babies, the clean house, spread our legs and our jaw, worked the fields, bend over, washed and made the bed, ironed all the clothes, spread our legs once again; learned to be gourmand, dressed to be the Bell of the Ball and you still were not happy.

We needed to be smarter to have a conversation other than talk about the kids when you arrived home! Entertain your boss and friends, and when they smacked us on the ass – ;( and we were told not complain. (I will not speak of the courts issues on rape).

You wanted a beauty Queen with class, one who could suck a golf ball out of a garden hose, this I was told by a good male friend!

So now!! We are educated, we earn more at times, most times we make 75% or less (unequal pay) for the same job done.

We go to Harvard, Stanford and Yale, have degrees, cook the soufflés, entertain your boss and let you have your friends over for super bowl– and then who cleans up? We decorate the house and hire the gardeners. We are executives and clerks, have all kinds of body shapes that may or may not please you! Some of us starve ourselves to look good for you in those Silhouette heels and tight jeans(sexy aren’t we?) At 40, 50, 60 and 70  or 90 we still have a tight ass while you complain about a balding head, while we always thought; you are sexy!

We continue to spread our legs and say yes to the golf ball, we buy our own homes and pay cash for a car instead of monthly installments. We know how to do our own taxes searching for loop holes.

And now!Image We are too much, we scare you, we are too good looking, the butt at our age looks better for climbing all those stairs. And yet, you worry about your Viagra (it is a medical necessity, but our birth control is not!)

We are beautiful without cosmetic surgery and we take care of ourselves; and now you tell us we are intimidating! We came up to the level you asked and succeeded – but still you are not replete.

Be a Man, stand up, Man up, tell the truth of what you want. Look inside, Man – Up! Ladies are sexually emancipated, whether that was by the by of feminism or having great parents or learning on our own. We will not be door mats, and we can handle a 1000 pound horse, with all his pulsating tenuous muscle with ease.

We can play football, volleyball, baseball and know the scores without you explaining in a “condescending demeanor” and still wear silk stockings with stiletto heels and black silk tight dress, and be a lovely smart (sexy) lady by your side.

We are Your EQUAL!  – Man up to your Equal. We did not wish to be above you, but rather your lover, your friend, your equal! Man Up! And be satisfied with your beauty Queen by your side. Become your best of your best, not for us, but for yourself.

Take our hand and be proud, for we have always been proud of you. And we love SEX, hot SEX! Long hours of sweating SEX! Why do you think we go off to the horses and ride for hours? Leg muscles!! The thrill of a thousand pound beauty between our legs, pulsating tenuous muscle between our legs (is heaven) as we work in tandem and rhythm on their backs (this is the gift horses give to us) as they gallop across the rivers and along side the highways, You Hunk – we wave (no cowboy hat, but rather flying manes); and then we come home to you, to be by your side!

We keep our bodies in shape, and we do not like it when you fart and think it to be a joke! It is disrespectful! Go to the next room and stink it up while opening a window.

We know how to drive a stick shift and trucks, haul our horses and still paint 4 walls and our finger and toe nails. And still have hot sex, spreading our legs in a dark parking lots or kitchen counters. Yes, we like it in the office before the cleaning crew comes, the lights are low with stacks of papers – manilla folders and books.  Politely saying please with a morning glint in your eye, as the sun kisses the sheets or afternoon steel way from the office or a midnight express to the bedroom, giggling!

We have the same degrees and businesses, we are entrepreneurs, bosses and subordinates. Respect us, for we only did what you asked, and became your equal.

With Love, mucho mass amore, je t’aime de tout mon Coeur; yes I speak several languages and so much more. We are your equal and demand the same respect.

Join up – become our partners – let us love each other and not presume lesser. Do treat us with the same respect you would treat a Gentleman coworker. The same pay and if we deserve more, than show that appreciation and respect. And when we come home, know that we are as energetic – but we have moments also that require tenderness, understanding and compassion. Respect our prowess and do not fear, we want nothing from your lives but to live as equal and share our place in the sun as you have had all these centuries.  Image

All we want is to be loved just as you would enjoy the gentile experience of acceptance and appreciation; to be loved!

Be honest, hold your head high, enjoy your life and when we are together, let our individual lives be bathed and wrapped in a loving relationship.

To my Father, The Honorable Senator S H Runyan. You spoiled and loved me. I made you proud. Thank you

Fondly MicheleElys


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About the Author: MicheleElys is a Neurobehaviorist ~ Writer ~ Educator ~ Keynote Speaker.

Concussions are a huge drain in the workplace!” 4-6 week training program relieving the agony of TBIs and concussions. 

Founder of NBR [neural behavior recognition]. A recovery model for Trauma/TBI Improvement, Recovery to maintenance, Need a Consult? Connect with MicheleElys email LinkedIn,  MicheleElys.com 

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Storm says:

    I have read this blog, many times, over and over again. Respect is what all women should be shown, from the beginning. You talked about what women do and yet they do get the respect, nor are the considered to be equal to men, in a great many things that they do. I would like to see if a man could have a child, or complete the many thinks that woman do. I learn very early in life because of my grandparent, the best way to show your respect was not only love then, but to do so by remember and even doing some or all of the things that they do or are willing to do for you! You not only show them that you care but you respect them and what they do for you. Often men say it’s a 50, 50 thing, but there must be another 50,50 way of counting that I don’t about or even understand about and I not sure that I even want to know.

    My grandparents, wanted me to understand, the fact that women do so much for men, but could never really, explain how things got the way that they have over these thousand of years. But, there is one of many things that is still told to woman, as well as men of color, and that is ” maybe in time things will change. “. That statement, is only meant to settle the hope, in those groups, that should be treated as equals, only to the point that they believe that they will be made equal, but sadly no matter what do, that day would never happen! Because, those that believe that they are running things will never wish to see that change come, no matter what benefits, might come from it. Even with the animals that we have and call family and even respect them we still, do not always treat them as equals, even when they would give there lives for us with even a second thought! These are my thoughts, and I am expressing person believes, in switch are only subject to me! But I see women being more then equal to men and it should men that need to be more equal to women.




  2. Storm K says:

    Hi MicheleElys,

    You have used the main problem that cause the fear of humans, in which is blame,
    Something that more of us should except and deal with and then move on from with a better understand of our choices! We are here to learn and sometimes people will get hurt! I have seen blame many times, and nothing can correct what blames has done, but understand why is a good start.


  3. Storm K says:

    With all that has been said and maybe true or not true. The most important views have been lost in what is men have asked for from women and yet even when reached over look what they can clearly see and asked for from women, and the fact that women have by far passed what men have asked of them or even wished them to be! Women need to understand that what a man says he wants in a woman, and no matter how that woman meets or exceed the expectations of that man or those of men, will always fair! Not because a woman can not reach that goal, but because they will exceed it, in every way, and alone cause two problems for the men that all have there ideas of what they would like there woman to be like or to be. And without anything more then there imagination of the right woman for that man! Never thinking about the fear within that man, that would cause him to fear, the loss of what he has asked for from his woman, to another man, plus the unending belief of his own imagination that another man will take her from him.
    Man create this fear because of there imagination of what want in there woman
    Only to lose out to that same imagination wish! A man because him own
    Worst enemy even in his imagination!




    1. MicheleElys says:

      Hi Storm,
      And thank you for your comment. We all have fear, fear of being hurt or betrayed, fear of being rejected or abandoned in a vulnerable moment. It is common, but the imagination is a wondrous quality to have, although many of use it, we still have not mastered its content.

      I do respect everyone’s point of view, but when we blame others or something else for our lives, that is a danger point; it is difficult not to judge any of human behavior, not matter how grievous.

      Storm you fit your name, wear it well. For in nature a storm can wipe out a town and lives or it can nurture a beautiful forest and garden or field of crops, to feed millions of lives.

      Everything in life is duality – it all depends on what we choose to see. Life is not grand all the time and when life is taken from one place, it gives back another unknown to us.

      Thank you for sharing and I look for you again


  4. Lisa says:

    no apologies necessary Swarn. Great blog you have, more some conversation with a person who thinks progressively!! I wrote you a reply
    on your blog and thank you.

    Now to ad you as a link here in my blog!! lol


  5. Swarn Gill says:

    A sad fact of life is that the kind of change that can make both genders truly equal takes time. Women have made a lot of progress in society. And more needs to happen before anybody who values equality can feel satisfied. Once again you express yourself with passion and beauty and I agree with many of your points. I am almost 40 and I think a lot of men my age grew up with parents that still had a very traditional view of gender roles. It’s hard to break free from that conditioning because what you are raised to believe is normal becomes part of your mental grammar so that sometimes you aren’t even aware of the privilege you enjoy. The voices of many excellent women out there have helped me slowly become aware of those privileges and have helped be grow and change into a better man.

    One thing has become clear to me that we have reached a point where, we, as men, can no longer stand by and let the fight just be the fight of women. The fight for gender equality belongs to all those who say they value it. I know in my life that I have too often been sort of passive to that fight, cheering the women on, but never really taking part. You sort of seem to be making this argument…”C’mon guys, wake up!”. This I think needs to be the cry of feminism. At some point it was important that women demonstrate that they could be as strong and successful on their own, but in the end we are not alone in this world. We all need each other to be better people. To be good people. Women are still the winners when men join this fight for equality. I say this not to imply that any woman “needs” a man to make her whole or anything, but just that in the big picture woman needs a man to change his thinking and behavior so that women have their rightful place in society as equals. Right now, too many men are getting in the way, either intentionally or unintentionally because they simply are paying attention.

    One of the problems that I have always thought about much of the feminist movement is that it still idolized masculinity. The movement towards equality by woman seemed to look more at how women could be like men, rather than how men could be more like women. Now of course it is important that a woman be completely free to choose how she wants to live her life, but I see in your thoughtful post here that even you value how much more women have become like men. But when is society going to also place value on femininity? In my opinion this is the part of the fight that was lost. I’ve never been particular fond of the things men value. I’m not into the violence of sport, the never showing my emotions, talking about my feelings. In my marriage I am the one who usually starts talking about how I’m feeling first! When I first saw female boxing I remember thinking to myself, is this what feminism wanted? The freedom to punch each other in the head. I don’t even know why men want to do it. Changes are happening slowly, but in general a man being emotional is not found attractive by women and is not valued by men. A stay at home dad is still seen as a novelty at best. Men get made fun of for doing jobs that were traditionally women. I think masculinity is still too idolized in society and that we see women as being weak if they don’t act like a man. To me this is a mistake.

    Anyway, this is just my opinion, and I know as a man I am probably still not understanding it all properly. But I do try, and you are free to lay into me if you feel it is fitting. 🙂


    1. MicheleElys says:


      You are always a delight to read. There is no perfection here, nonetheless you made some great point.
      First I will refer you to – two great men and their Ted Talks link:
      First Andrew Solomon who speaks from a POV that is profundity in its rarest form. Love no Matter What

      Jackson Katz – oh you are going to love this guy!! He speaks as you do and more

      And Kid President, if you are living, be AWESOME: I think we all need a pep talk

      Now feminism was NOT about gay or male gender or even looking as men – gay women joined, there has been a collusion of illusion of how people wish to appear and it DID NOT idolize anything but Equality!!! That was the entire mission. There is a great show on PBS/masterpiece works, watch it and view and add to your wisdom. I am straight, but my Bengal Tiger is fierce and yet I am very very much a little lady with red hair and large personality which, at times, can be contained!

      I love the world, the parts of where my father was military attache and commander, *I am my Fathers’ Daughter*, but in my way ~ (as queen Elizabeth I stated and she was also a redhead). We mix the illusion up to be what we wish to be perceive as one or the other. Not so. Boxing is for both men and women and yes, there are times I wish I could slug someone, but I would get hurt (shrugging in a girly fashion).

      I meet men of all ages, women also, sexual aspect do not come into play unless there is an attraction for me, so gloves off ~ so is the color of skin equal to that of eyes for me. It makes no difference except to my own preferences! And how close another is allowed in my world. Particularly with Arabians LOLOL personality match there and they are both redheads!

      The feminist movement was one generation before me or I would had been out there yelling at the top of my lungs and throat capacity; it was about equality. Stewardess were FIRED upon reaching the age 30!! Thirty, My my, I was a rebel and wishing to be accepted I still fought our society and yet when visiting my father would don myself in the appropriate cloth, because it pleased him. he delighted in how I looked and that simple pleasure was my happiness when reflected in his eyes.

      We all need to wake up, every day every moment with every breathe and see, be willing to see all side of a coin. For there are many, the rivets, the heads and tails or the monuments or did anyone notice the buffalo?

      And if you think masculinity is still idolized, you need to pay more attention. Our President Obama and Michele and their two daughters. Nelson Mandela, even back to Steven Bico, Rev Tutu, Martin Luther Kind and Loretta King, Maya Angelou – no one idolizes any figment of apparitions, we lust for life!!

      I will retire the day I die and with response such as yours; you will keep me filled with muses and creativeness in joy every moment. Thank you!


      1. Swarn Gill says:

        Thank you for your kind response and those referrals. I actually have watched Jackson Katz before but not the other ones. They were excellent. I think feminism IS about equality and I am happy to call myself feminist just as I’m happy to call myself atheist, I am not overly concerned with labels or connotations especially when I feel that most people don’t understand the term.

        I guess ultimately I was simply trying to say that when we strive for equality there are 3 different choices in getting there. Let me give a simple analogy that comes to mind as I am an atmospheric scientist. 🙂 If I have two equal volumes of air at different temperatures I can achieve equality by cooling down one until the temperatures are equal. Raising the temperature on the other to achieve equal temperatures, or I can mix the two together. And they will have the same average temperature. I would rather see equality achieved through a “mixture” rather than making one gender the standard in which the other one must achieve in order to be equal. And I think that mixture can be achieved best when we focus on the value of both genders.
        I attended a talk this past February at the University of Pittsburgh by a biologist and feminist Marlene Zuk. She was talking about how the male form was still used as the common standard in the field of biology and cited an experiment in which a group of people were asked to write down a description of a health human. Then they were asked to write down a description of a healthy male and a healthy female. In almost all cases (and this was not specific to gender) the description of a healthy human matched the description of a healthy female. So I think that there is a lot of evidence to support that masculinity is still considered a standard to which we must achieve. I wrote more about the impact that talk had on me in a blog post here http://cloakunfurled.com/2013/08/19/enlightenment-inequality-and-bias-written-on-feb-19th-2013/
        Those that are enlightened certainly don’t promote the idolizing of any one gender, and I don’t think that’s what feminism aimed at either, all I am saying is that there are undercurrents in a society that are sometimes hard to pay attention to because they are so prevalent that we don’t even think about them anymore. I am only suggesting that we maybe have to start paying attention to whether or not we aren’t appreciating femininity for what it actually is. There are two genders and neither one is more important than the other. I guess I’m not sure that society as a whole doesn’t value masculinity more. At the very least it seems like something to explore. 


      2. Swarn Gill says:

        Sorry for the wonky formatting…the university I work at whose mission statement claims to be related to up-to-date technology for the purpose of learning has yet to update internet explorer for what appears to be more than a year, so nothing I do, especially regarding HTML looks right! lol


  6. Lisa says:

    well that was a dumb clik of the finger and icon. LOL


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