If there is a rotten apple in the bunch, remove that one apple. This is in reference to a common phrase that has never made sense to me. “One bad apple ruins the entire barrel of apples.”
The fact is it does not, unless the apathy around the circumference refuses to remove that one bad apple. This takes a little ingenuity and honesty with one’s self.
“Quit blaming and pointing the finger at your circumstances and others. That one bad apple can be “most easily tossed out.”
Unfortunately, too many people want to be liked, feel the conformity of the masses and their approval in an excuse of getting along; more truthfully spoken “people pleasing.”
Getting along with others does not mean we live in denial of our surroundings. In particularly of those who scream abusive or attacking individuals who continually blame and complain. We all need to stop these two actions that come too readily as gossip spews forth from the lips only to sinks ones’ self esteem, not heighten the confidence.
Being part of online venues, e.g. LinkedIn, OKCupid, any email address, business forums etc… I get a great deal of email. Today I was surprise to receive a package, I had forgotten the recent order a CD to be replaced by a stolen one of a friend, and however it was from Amazon.com. This is sort of an emailed CD via packaged email – right?
As each morning’s sunrise blazes up, so does my computer. After all I am a writer with spiral note books in the car – by my bed – in a drawer with colorful sticky note pads in colorful stacks around in the same location and by my writing chair; (need to walk up and down more stairs today from sitting and writing). I must take notes continually, for the writers’ imagination comes alive when the mind is resting.
None the less, sometimes an email or five pique a writer quotes in a reply answer.
A new LinkedIn connection wrote: “thank you for being aware.”
Simple enough, right? Not for a writer.
My fingers hit the key board and this is what transferred immediately from brain – through arms – to finger tips – to keypad and onto the desk top – a word.doc and then later to this article being published on a blogspot.
“Every human is aware – it is what they are aware of, is what makes each person an individual and sets us apart” Ergo the phrase “separate but equal?” Again my writers’ imagination takes my mind into a further abyss and analytical analogies.
Then I read my OKCupid email. Oh YEAH!!! Not only my current long term (a month or so) long “life article” (monkey swinging in from the branches of creative massive thinking) but several venues had to be threaded together; and all about people and how we think and live, came to life through my fingers onto the keyboard, but first it was in the car writing furiously on a pad as I was driving to feed my horses. And we think cellular users are dangerous!
Yes, that one bad apple requires action, positive action – for it is already rotten. Toss it away, let it feed the earth – recycle in the compost. But what if…. what if it is a human? OUCH, how do we get rid of a *bad apple human*? Many try different forms. Online we can *Block* them away; we can move away from the neighborhood or have them evicted. Some kill others humans to eradicate the annoyance. This leads to more anger and pain and more desire to remove more humans.
As this Bird is in flight, so do humans flight or fright
We have the option to *Ignore* in life and online, however online is an easy choice, in life this is not that simple. Do not engage, many married couples have develop this tactic to fine art – then does divorce come by the by?
I have moved across the continent three times, not particularly to get away from any one person, however this is most effective and non-violent. New home, new people to be acquainted with, new climate, maybe lots of green grass for my Arabians and more birds to photograph; it all is flight!
Our survival instincts kick in suddenly; we become angry – ignore – flight into survival mode of varying degrees. Life has shocked me when examining my own survival mode in different situations. Whether that be a date with someone who had bad gluttonous manners or having to live next door to a person who is rather off the wall rage wise. Worse watching a mother abuse her children and not having the ability to say or do something due to an egregious system in play. Yes, there are abuses continually being perpetrated upon children, animals, women and men and we are not able, not in control enough in our every day lives to stop the abuse.
When involved in institutionalized systems, as we are in our world as it is this day of wars and policies; abuse in all manners of form are pervasive and blatant in front of our eyes – all out of our control. We may not wish to live in denial; we may be forced (!) to deny the very existence of abuse in front of us as it momentarily occurs!
We may be admonished for getting involved, worse serious admonishment that curtails or ruins our lives, due to one rotten apple. Often criticism comes our way from authority that might be threatened for some unknown reason; seeing actions in different light and not allowing systems to be more creative or innovative; it is a system – organizational with rules.
Sometimes people lose their jobs, their homes, a safe place, or temporary harbor or a shelter, sleepless nights as we hear a child scream or a dog howl through the night and found the next day dead from brutality. The bellows fell on deaf ears – or did they? Who is in control of those who care enough to speak out?
There are varying degrees of abuse; nevertheless abuse is abuse and what if we step in? Will we encounter the same degree or worse of abuse? Possibly elongated time of retribution from the very authority figures that are in position to curtail corruption, such as institutionalized non-profit or prison system; or an angry neighbor – or of the abuser themselves or all of the above. I personally know of this, for I am one who takes a stand and placed myself in the midst of abuse and the hot seat most of my life for all the above.
Worse, I never relent (much to my dismay) of my peaceful desire in life. I get involved! It might be minor in content and when speaking to my good friends who are also well educated, they are astounded at the actions of those who are in authority. Life in the human flesh is not a “block or ignore” computer key.
The ripple effect is not just that moment of abuse or words meant to console, while the abuse is allowed to linger and move on. It will linger the entire lifetime of a child into adulthood. It will linger in the memory of a person who was the subject of rage or lies – jealousy or blame or complaint. And how do we handle each moment?
I have surprised myself, in the midst of utter body crunching – brain annihilation, I did not lose my integrity nor my compassion or my life (surprisingly I am still alive). I became more determined much to the chagrin of those in authority.
Once after being hunted and shot at in Colorado, I did finally take a man to court after being told and viewing a three inch file of his aggressions on innocent people. Then I became a victim of the masses – shrug my shoulders and take on the institution, I said and I did.
I stated to the district attorney, “my Rottweilers and I are still alive, all we did was take an off beat trek hike from the city into the snow ridden mountains where we thought and read it was state owned public property. This person is crazed and the public need to be protection.” Did I succeed? In one sense I did, but at what cost to my peace of mind and life? That was over a decade ago, and still remains part of my driven determination in accomplishing life.
These birds in these photos represent how none threaten they are with a human standing eighteen inches from them as they bathe. I love to study nature, for it is the most genuine fragments of life. Why I say fragments? Humans distort the truth of their very being. Hiding in emotions which are plainly seen in the body language, heard in the voice layers of sound, or emotions of the facial muscles; who has time to study and institute this knowledge in our lower educated areas of life, such as prisons or homeless shelters or battered shelters? These are the subjects of my next several articles I am to publish. Once again in the hot seat, maybe it is good that I plan to move to another state. Oy Vey!!
The material is raw and emotion ridden. My work is a self immersion to see all sides and yet I do fail. For I am not living each and every persons’ moment of experience and seeing or hearing through their lenses; I can only attempt through slight stolen conversations, to understand. Nonetheless for a child, for a child I am monumentally sensitive. I watch the hollow eyes, of the child who is looking for someone to take charge, make a change, and make a difference. The pleading wanderings of a child who is all too grown for their innocent age; I know this agony. And yet, I was the brunt of the complaint and the object of argument. We live in grave denial as humans. We allow abuse to wallow under our very noses and make excuses why we are not involved. And we admit to our ears, “There are different levels of abuse or neglect.” Absolutely not, this is denial in action of its self! Neglect – abuse – screaming – hitting a child – threatening to hit a child if they do not stop screaming, or innocent animal; it is (all) damn wrong! What can we do? What actions do we take?
We set up systems that fail humans, whether that is a child or adult. We have an all time high accounting of homeless. Our society does not wish to admit the amount of homeless people due to whatever reason (adjournment); where do we place blame? Wall Street – Bank and fraudulent mortgage loans – outlandish medical costs that leave a person in dire straights, worse on disability, as that dark pitiless well of never healing while pulling a person deeper and deeper into the abyss of hopelessness. Obliterating confidences, and skills till the self esteem acquiesce into a living death for decades or life.
Do adults that we abused or neglected succeed later in life? Many do not, while some do have reasonable lives, and yet few succeed beyond the measures of abhorrent controversion – turn – the – head disavowal authority figures of their past to become amazing success stories. Some see their self worth, the humanity that failed them and turn their lives into phenomenon products of accomplishment for the betterment of humanity. Sometimes it all seems to be a tiny miniscule drop in a mammoth ocean of lies.
We see all forms of ingenuity living on both sides of positive and negative in life. Cars transport human across continents while in a moment’s agony will kill a family. A great coach will prosper successful teams and yet defile the trust of their young teammates. Homeless will be fed food, that is genetically engineer leaving them hungrier and body utterly in starvation of nourishment. Online venues will connect people from different continents and yet might produce a stalker. Life all too often seems inherent to be both amazing producing light and devouring darkness and yet….. *“If” you light one candle in a dark room, where is your focus, but on that singular candle.
* “If” by Rudyard Kipling. this is the actual story of what Kipling was facing in his life when he wrote this fame villanelle “If”:
DEDICATED TO BEHAVIORAL SOLUTIONS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF LIFE. ©
Thank you for Donating through PayPal !!
About the Author: MicheleElys is a Neurobehaviorist ~ Writer ~ Educator ~ Keynote Speaker.
“Concussions are a huge drain in the workplace!” 4-6 week training program relieving the agony of TBIs and concussions.
Founder of NBR [neural behavior recognition]. A recovery model for Trauma/TBI Improvement, Recovery to maintenance, Need a Consult? Connect with MicheleElys email LinkedIn, MicheleElys.com
MicheleElys All Rights Reserved©
17 Comments Add yours
Im still learning from you, while Im making my way to the top as well. I definitely enjoy reading everything that is written on your blog.Keep the articles coming. I loved it!
Thank you Ray, I still learn every day every moment from life and others. Thank you for your comment. Cheers
Thanks for blogging and i enjoy the blog posting so no public comments.,,,,,,,,,,,
People are welcome to comment on this or any blog I write. And they do so. Thank you
I must say, as a lot as I enjoyed reading what you had to say, I couldnt help but lose interest after a while. Its as if you had a excellent grasp to the topic matter, but you forgot to include your readers. Perhaps you should think about this from more than 1 angle. Its better if you think about what others may have to say instead of just going for a gut reaction to the subject. Think about adjusting your own believed process and giving others who may read this the benefit of the doubt.
I am not sure what you are saying! The public is very involved with these blogs and articles that spread over the internet. Maybe if you could be more direct in your reasoning that would help. Cheers
Your words are very sound and understanding, but there is a great deal that I can’t
Say that I fully understand I am afraid my outlook on my believes and the outlook of others, will always show questions for me! Because I know now there are much more then just two sides of a coin. I respect you MicheleElys, because you are a woman, and you are far from tamed. But that to me is what make you the woman that you are! If you ever become unsure, just go for a ride on your horses, and all will be clear to you.
One thing I can say about others’ view points, is that you take it with a grain of salt. some are wise others’ still have mountains and oceans to cross.
There are many times I am unsure, and that is the time I get quiet and do spend time with my horses. I am experiencing an unsettling period in my life now, one of the most egregious times – and we keep going, seeing what works.
This is why I have not published something on the blog of recent. However there are a few 1/2 finished articles. Always wish to make a profound statement to make people think.
Thank you for all your honest comments Storm. I do wish you well
I am sorry, but this I do not understand. Have you been in a war? Have you taken everything taught to you as a child, from your family, parents and religion. Only to have every question and view point ever preached or taught to you go out the window because the person not that far away is aiming on killing you because of the things and beliefs taught to them by there family,parents and the religiosity belief are facing that same wall! That wall is called a War! You drop every belief that you hold true and replace it for one, that has now become the most important thing in your life, and that is to live another, sometimes understanding and then sometimes not fully understand the value of life, with the exception of one your own life. I mean disrespect to anyone, but unless you have been in a real war, no amount of talking or trying to explain it to family or friends will every be able to until the pain that person male or female is going through. And the only ones that truly understand that pain are the one that have been there side by side with you, but you see even then because we are all differen, the pain and memory also remain different for each of us. Even with many people all see the same thing happen in front of them. There would many different discriptions for the same acts. We, think differently, we learn differently, we remember pain and even that is differently. We will only ever be equal
when we respect and except ch others as humans and by the color or the way we look!
A Tame Woman Never Makes History
Date: Tue, 1 Oct 2013 06:52:14 +0000 To: firstname.lastname@example.org
I hear your passion and anguish in your words and honor them with my entire being!! Yes, I know what it is like to turn myself inside out, upside down, be beaten – tortured, have knives and guns impale my body and more. that is also why I write my words with such passion. I have had 99% of everyone in my life die when I was younger, seen war, grew up in the military and fought my own battles of survival and introspection with such angst and grief to understand. What came out was this naked person before you, seeing and watching as many people before me with all their different sides, beliefs, lives and look to acceptance of differences. The One bad apple was a recent experience in a housing project issue, where one person who was abusive to her two young girls, living with yet another boyfriend (not father of either child) and was disrupting the entire household with lies and gossip. She pitted organizers against each other and people against each other, very effectively. I knew she was and is a “borderline personality disorder” and stated so, but not until I left two weeks into this ordeal and my stay of 2.5 weeks, did anyone else finally accept the reality of what I said. Then bedlam let loose and there were drastic results taken. It all could had been avoided if they listened, but some did not wish to hear the words of a more educated person in the psychological field. It meant I was stepping on their educational abilities. I was temporary and would be gone. But what you have gone through is much more than two weeks, a war and fighting a war, justifying all that you saw and acted upon will stay with you the rest of your life. I am sure there is great introspection of all areas about the war you have fought, personal and for our country. I do not state I know you angst or anguish, for you have a personal deep forbearance that will shift over time, but you will never lose the sight of the struggle of participation of a heinous experience of WAR!! I watched for 14 years (the length of time I lived with my father then self emancipated) keep darkly in the recesses of his being the pangs of war. In honor of you, your passion, your humility, your service and what only your eyes and self experienced; I do appreciate and recognize the depths in which life affects you. Sincerely, MicheleElys
A Tame Woman Never Makes History
Date: Tue, 1 Oct 2013 06:52:14 +0000 To: email@example.com
I am sure that Rudyard Kipling, knew what the axiom origins were about, but I believe it was more important to make his point. It only takes one bad thing or person to influence, Every thing or Everyone else. And I believe it accounts for the fact that you can do many good things for people, but do one bad thing and that is the only thing that people will remember! I sure everyone has come across this many times in there life or at the very least once in there life. True it’s apples and we are talking about humans, but the meaning doesn’t change.
Often I watch Ted Talks and there was a speaker that stated it takes 5 good comments to correct one negative comment. I thought about this and thought and thought. I think her measure was maybe the medium of individuals. Some do have great ability to let issues fall off their backs and then others hang onto statements. Some cut more than others, and that is usually from someone we love and trust; often they hurt us the most.
Personally, I have been on both sides of the fence of giving and receiving. I do not think there is a common measure for humans.
And there are the wars and our soldiers who served; it is not for us to measure them ever. Rather be their support, caring and understanding. Some soldiers never come out of the chaos and become antisocial. My heart rents for them, for they gave their lives and what ever the torment is they live with – some of us will never understand… however this is were compassion comes into play and not judging. We humans are so fallible on all sides. So I will not take a side, rather stand in the middle and continually learn.
Rudyard Kipling along with other great Authors and writers were my early influences, beyond my father. This part of life I was very lucky to have.
Kipling and his poem “IF” is a great testament to knowledge of life. Life has its thorns but we do have the ability to make it through some of the Stormiest seas, if we choose.
Thank you for writing and sharing Storm; it is a pleasure and I am very grateful
I love your writing. You express yourself very beautifully.
It’s interesting to me how you started out this post with the saying “One bad apple spoils the bunch”, I agree with your thesis completely and think it was a great launching, but when you think about how that expression must have originated I think that we’ve lost the meaning in the way we use it nowadays. I think that there is always a bit of problem applying any axiom regarding fruit to humans. lol In a time when life was more agrarian and apples being a fruit you could store for longer periods of time through the winter, the prospect of losing an entire barrel of apples could have dire implications for your nutrition and food supply when food was not growing. And if you owned an apple orchard and sold apples, if your apples spoiled this would also have serious consequences to your survival since your livelihood depended on good apples. Thus originally the axiom would have spoke more to a preciousness of food and to pack your apple barrels with care. I feel that if this attitude were shown to our fellow human the world would be a better place. We must treat each other care, treat each person as though they were precious. In the end we grow understanding one another better, and understanding ourselves better too.
Thank you, and absolutely we have define the meaning in a different venue.
You are absolutely correct about an apple orchard and I have been part of orchards and fruit orchards all my life through Europe.
However, speaking about humans, we do use such axioms these days and not reference the origins.
With that said, IF by Rudyard Kipling is very apropos.
Thank you so much for your input – wonderful to see.
Coming up article is much more light of a subject and filled with years of love
There is a lot to digest here even when you know how un-humane are the systems.
We, as a society, are caught up in the hierarchical power mode which keeps most everyone in the abuse of those below struggle. It seems in the reality of it all, educated awareness on a one to one or small groups, is what changes the programmed responses. The quote by Margaret Mead seems appropriate here.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
Thank you for sharing your experiences, insights and actions.
I look forward to the 13th…………..Don’t forget to check in.