Here is a simple test ~ particularly for online dating. What are your true preferences?
Which photo do you prefer? And which photos are 20 years apart. That is which picture is older or younger?
Looks can be deceiving and if you are only looking at an image, what are you seeking in a relationship?
If Klassic was purchased 20 some years ago, which photo depicts his and my age at that time and how different do we look now? There is a spread of 20 plus years of photos in this article, do you know the difference? Or does this make a difference to you?
His weight is 1132 pounds, that much muscle could do some major damage, yet see that trust here? No halter, no lead-tie, we are working close with each other. How old are we, does it matter?
Age is a number, that is all! Some people have tremendous energy all through their lives, other can’t wait till retirement, and all phases in between.
Klassic and I have at least 5- 10 years more together. He is mature, proud, respectful, gentle and moves with lightening speed. So do I ! This would translate this energy into a relationship, for this affects the intimacy and quality of a forthcoming relationship for myself. Those who have contacted me and are retired sitting on a porch as the highlight of a week?? Not my energy level for 95% of my life.
I am looking for High Energy in many categories, and yet we both must know when to kick back and have some hours of silence. Watch a snow storm: have your heard the resounding hush? It is beautiful. Are the type that is too busy to be aware of natures’ beauty? These factors are important in relationship, are you looking for them or are you still looking at these photo images. Are you still reading Victoria Secret thinking these are your type of women? Really? Or GQ and thinking that 20 something male is going to be interested in you at 50 something who has never worked out. Oh you would be surprised at the women I have listened to, never work out, drink wayyy too much and amusing themselves with the fantasy of Mathew McConaughey etc…. This is delusion!!
Do you know a refine wine or refine lady (if you bumped into that lady), or do you just want the cheapest and yet, there are many great wines for under $10.00, I don’t know about the ladies.
So what do you know about relationships? Still looking at the image?
Maturity does not come with years, it comes with desire of growth ~ examining one’s life and the relationships you have had, some that have moved on and those, if you are lucky that do not die. The later is heart rendering and life moves on.
Romance or the idea of romance can and will get triggered quickly online. Most times, it’s our imagination and desire that is running a muck. And we are not seeing the real person and need to meet in person; watching expressions and body language. We make monolithic mistakes meeting and dating ~ in person. 50% divorce in the marriage rate, done in person; so what are your odds online? Don’t be discourage, online is only a meeting venue, a cyber bar without the alcohol! The desires of the heart are greatly at risk while on line. But love, match making, the Urge to Merge is not impossible at any point of life.
Truth be told and think upon this: there are almost 7 billion people on this planet. About 50% are adults; your chances of having love are phenomenal, as long as you keep your senses about yourself. There is every flavor and multiple colors to choose from these days; around the globe. Do not think in the terms of scarcity – there is enough love, more than enough love to go around and it does, love does fill the globe. Remember, 7 billion people on this planet and this population has doubled its self since the late ‘60’s. That process of developing population was not all infertile couples or surrogates or petri dish fertilization. Lots of people were having SEX! And most of it was passionate love making. Lots of love to go around for everyone, it is our very nature “The Urge To Merge”.
Now how do we find that love, the desire of the heart? The wonders of online has made this process more possible than ever. There is more than *one* person out there for everyone. However, don’t look for something that will not work for you. Or that LLOONNGG wish list of the *perfect* package. No such thing for 98% of us, this means 2% have found the perfect package, don’t bet your odds on this one.
Relationships take work, honesty and truly what you are going to attract that fits, the who you are in the person, in that body of yours, in the confidence you exude, in the kindness you offer. Mostly, in the acceptance you are willing to give to the others’ to be themselves.
Why do you think most of us have a dog or cat or both. Because that dog ~ cat ~ horse ~ rat etc.. accepts us for who we are, they are not trying to change us. However us humans.. this is where we must tweak a bit in order to live with each other; in other words we do have to change and adjust to have a loving coupling.
AHH living together ~ some do not want to live together, some prefer separate households, some prefer one of the partners to travel and then constantly having a little honeymoon every month of so (oohhh YUM). Some live on different continents separately together, while others do want to share the same bed for the rest of their lives, every night, until they grow old and die (I hope they change the sheets often). All great choices and there are more choices.
So who are you? And what likes ~ wishes ~ preferences do you have? I will use myself for an example. My preferences are: I am straight, I prefer men ~ Gentlemen that is, one of high intellect, manners, champagne with jeans, theater – opera or comedy hole in the wall places. Or a black tie out for the evening, with a plethora of heterogeneous people and quiet nights at home, particularly during thunder storms and by a lit fire, reading to each other. Or me in my Gourmet Kitchen Zone, damn I love cooking for others (signature dish, soufflé).
Nonetheless, I do prefer that he travels a bit, given I have a high libido (I am French blooded and a redhead!!). I love those little honeymoons when he comes home then to say with a glint in our eyes (when life is getting a wee bit suffocating) “see you in a couple of days for more hot night ~ afternoon sweats.” This is commonly known as “The crimes that hurts no one, but leaves them wanting more.” Great work out and does keep one in shape, the same great aerobic exercise we all need daily, like riding an Arabians!
A little side bar story: I had a few joint surgeries after falling on black ice and asphalt. This meant I could not ride my beloved Klassic. Three years precisely! This was agonizing for me not to ride and have my legs wrapped around his muscular body! The day came when I finally was able to mount my Arabian. We walked and trotted a bit in the arena, finally, then came to a standing still moment (to breath in the wonder I have always loved, riding my horses) in the middle of the arena. I took in a deep breath sitting in the saddle, enjoying that moment. A few people in said arena, one shouting out “how does it feel to finally be back on your Arabian?” I said without a moments thought “I don’t know which is better, Great sex or Riding my Arabian.” *~)
Let’s go back to future of dating online, once the emails have begun, and you already have decided to speak on the phone. Do not put all your eggs in one basket; still be open to other new friends and emails. I will say, I still have a few *friends of interest*. They email me nice little thoughts, text me sweet ideas (remembering to thank them) and sometimes come into town. I have made it very clear that I will be moving out of New Mexico, but would prefer a little incentive staying in the Western region or coast. In short I am not in too much a rush, taking my time to develop a solid relationship. However I do want to get this part of my life in gear, for my career, well……….
This is my best friend/ relationship beyond my horses, she is Sade. A delightful dog of 8 years, I found her at the humane society after my two older dogs had died the month prior and I had my first surgery; one of four major surgeries that were to come, and that were misdiagnosed leading to long years of pain and suffering. Can you tell the difference in these pictures? I am currently in great shape now, with bionic parts !! LOL
Flash in the pan romances? Well if you like that person’s voice on the phone and it is causing some fantasies; I suggest you keep the *flash in the pan for the late night wet dreams, waking up with WOW’s and keep it real until you are in person, in the flesh that is (wink). Flash in the pan relationships are great when in your early 20’s. Nevertheless, this is why you are online now, it did not work for the long haul !! Casual sex; nothing wrong with this choice, if this is the type of person you can admit to being and desiring, (and!) have that same agreement with your partner.
Friends with benefits also works *short term* and one or the other is going to get hurt. Not for the long haul. (Long Haul ~ trailer a couple of Arabians and you will understand what a Long Haul is).
What kind of person do you see yourself as? Be honest. How do you see yourself in the mirror? Being honest with this one is tricky, whether you are in shape or not, tell yourself the truth; ask one or several friends. Ask a stranger on the street. Tell them you are conducting a survey. You can be honest by stating, you are writing a profile for online and would appreciate an honest opinion from a stranger. The use this introduction can be a great humorous for a profile and potentially finding a lunch or coffee date.
You could meet the love of your life while asking; “how do I look to you? With a broad smile. You need a good sense of humor, some great people skills to pull this off, and a way with words. Know your own body language well in this moment! And what are your choices in life? Are they reasonable and fitting to who you are and what you bring to a new companion? And are you willing to be friends? Are you willing to like the person beyond the passion? These are important questions one must answer in order to understand or foresee how you will survive your relationships.
These questions (and images) I posted are for you to ask yourself. There should be many more questions you might conjure, especially when it involves other humans for the future coupling of your life. It does not matter how much time you spend together, it will be the quality of time and the moments you will share. We all are looking; now start finding and appreciate the people you meet. More cherish the people you find. Great LOVES that transcend time are hard to find. Opportunity!! Grab it, if you don’t take a risk, you will always fail! (hmmm topic for next blog article).
I answered my questions and still pose more to myself each day; however this is my predisposed analytical brain at work ~ it never stops, as a neurobehaviorist. My passions, I love to think and resolve and still be open to more answers that counter the previous Q&A. What are you passions? Hopefully there are many.
Flash in the pan relationships, are not passion. It is immediate sexual gratification, and this is fine but temporary. What drives you to keep seeking and are you finding?
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About the Author: MicheleElys is a Neurobehaviorist ~ Writer ~ Educator ~ Keynote Speaker.
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