Sometimes quiet and rest is all we have to give to ourselves and the world.
Click Ennio Morricone: Le Vent, Le Cri
It is not selfish; this is healing. Take the time without regret, without thought, allowing the unseen wings to grow and expand silently.
I was badly injured long ago and my body hurts at times. What hurt more than my body was my inability to write or study. My inability to be my normal self. With my horses, Sade and Sammie I had to find some solace for I became difficult to be around.
By not giving myself enough time to heal and be quiet.
Life became too lonely while watching the bruises on my face and body well up and no one was there for comfort. So I cried alone. I cried with my dog. I cried with my Arabians and I cried with my Sammie Kewl Kat.
As I drove today to yet resolve another problem, it was difficult and challenging dealing with a person who uses guilt and shame to manipulate me; I remembered one thing.
I choose how I feel about each moment in life. Telling that person they were inappropriate was a moment of strength and then leaving the challenge behind was more of a challenge. I didn’t let go. Instead I saw the moment as an ugly analogy.
“Sometimes life is like a cake, made of horse manure, with cream cheese icing slathered around. It still stinks from behind the nice icing.“
Life does stink at times. The still waters begin their stench of stagnation. The articles about women leaders fell behind in my research and reading.
Being an achievement personality – I began to be cross with myself and demand more. All of this did not work. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself!
Today was difficult for I had to write up a 5 page dissertation about a crime committed against me last year. The ordeal was monumental during the crime, and I had thought I had left it behind, until I received a letter from the ADA’s office, asking for a recount and details. I did write the entire violation out in 45 minutes and had the office fax it to the DA’s office. And I stated I wish to be present during the trial. For this person was a repeat offender and no one had taken the steps I took to put her behind bars. She is dangerous, a sociopath with other egregious attributes.
I could not write my weekly article, thankfully I have 2 1/2 more days to publish. I will get a hug from my horses tomorrow, and for now; rest and quiet. I am still recovering from a long time severe injury, there is no sense in harming myself more with stress.
What rang true in this moment was my responsibility to myself and recovering from a horrible fall. I hurt, I needed help and I was not getting the appropriate responses. This is not the time to give up, but I am hurt, so what does one do.
Take one step at a time with conscious thought! The rest, I have no more answers, only one step at a time.
I am one little redhead in 7 billion people. I hurt and I could use a hug!
March 2018 TBI awareness month
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About the Author: MicheleElys is a Neurobehaviorist ~ Writer ~ Educator ~ Keynote Speaker.
“Concussions are a huge drain in the workplace!” 4-6 week training program relieving the agony of TBIs and concussions.
Founder of NBR [neural behavior recognition]. A recovery model for Trauma/TBI Improvement, Recovery to maintenance, Need a Consult? Connect with MicheleElys email LinkedIn, MicheleElys.com
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12 Comments Add yours
Thanks for blogging and i enjoy the blog posting so no public comments.
There are comments, you have to look for them and comments are very welcomed. Jump in Cheers
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d would
certainly donate to this superb blog! I will settle for book-marking and adding your
RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new
updates and will share this website with my Facebook group.
Dear MU, There is a PayPal Donate button. Thank you for the compliment! Cheers ;D
You are such a beautiful and strong lady….My love goes out to you dear one.
Thank you. Strong is a quasi image! More I take all my disadvantages and try to make the most of them, by often failing ;~}
Hi MicheleElys, I really appreciated reading your words; I felt your despair. I hope that you are on the mend. Even though you are an expert on trauma it doesn’t make the emotions any less challenging. I hope that by writing about it it helped you in your process. I think about you often since i heard what happened. I am so glad that I received the post because it made me stop, and connect. Many blessings.
Thank you for your support! It was a very difficult week and long and painful – with questioning; if die during this time while waiting for the doctors and procedures to work, medication to put me to sleep. I have been awake since 12/11 and this is dangerous. TBIs are tricky. But most concern filled me with angst due to my Arabians, Sade and Sammie Kewl Kat. What happens to them? Who would take them since I just moved back home to Colorado from NM. All my old friends have died or moved. Now feeling a great relief, for I have people who are stepping up with concerns around my fur family. Yes, a great deal of angst. As to writing it. Often I feel these writings in such a URGE, it creates more pressure and I have to get to the computer before the internal explosion. Never suffer from writers block LOLOL Thank you again for your sincere support. And whether I am a Trauma Recovery Specialist, still having such a serious fall means two things; I know more – and hopefully I will live to apply all the knowledge in speeches Thanks Cheers ;D
A very well-worded post. When you said “Telling that person they were inappropriate was a moment of strength and then leaving the challenge behind was more of a challenge” reminded me of Eckhart Tolle’s DEEP NO which is the ability to tell someone NO without ego (or from a “deep place”). Quiet & rest are a gift that you give to yourself… so you can give to others.
Robbie, THANK YOU – you are forever supporter and insightful. Following up with words from others taking each individual you support deeper into an authentic place of their own. Thank you. I am so happy I have a friend in you. Have a lovely time with your family, huge family!! Hugs to your wife!
Michele, you are not ever one Little Red, among 7 billion others you know who you are really still struggling to find out if you have had to deal with a great deal of pain and misunderstanding but you’re still here and you have found that the best thing for you to do is if you fall is to get back up and do it all again. It’s not how many times you fall but it’s how many times you get back up and keep Tryan you have done that many times and I believe you would do it again this time this whole world as many hard knocks you have been all that you come up against but not without pain and not without some regret. My only regret is that you didn’t have somebody there for you! You can quit some things if you choose but never quit on yourself regardless of someone being in your corner or not being your corner, you will always be the woman that you are through the pain or even without it!
Storm, I fell from six feet right on my skull. This is not a metaphorical fall. Thank you for your kindness. The pain is from the bruises and sprains – it hurt on hard ground. Thankfully, my neighbor 2 acres away heard me screaming. I didn’t know I was that loud. My dog sat by my side then helped me up, Thanks ;D